Today is my Birthday

So far I've had my right nipple bitten twice...by girls, Rob bought me a "CSI Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit" and I received a happy birthday greeting from the staff at "Worth1000.com". It's been very interesting so far. I'll let you know how things work out.

Maybe 35 won't be so bad after all...

HOLY CRAP!!...I saw U2...

City of Blinding Lights
Vertigo
Elevation
I Will Follow
Gloria
The Ocean
Still Haven’t Found
Beautiful Day
Miracle Drug
Sometimes you Can’t Make it On Your Own
Love and Peace or Else
Sunday Bloody Sunday
Bullet The Blue Sky
Miss Sarajevo
Pride in the Name of Love
Where the Streets Have No Name
One

First Time
Wild Horses
With or Without You

Crumbs From Your Table
Bad

Two hours of U2 live. It was freakin' amazing...breath taking...awesome...even from our nose bleed seats. "Wow" is all I can say. I even got a little misty, I'm not embarassed to say, during "Where the Streets Have No Name"...

There were only about two or three songs from the new album I was unfamilliar with. I will be buying it today, hopefully.

U2 live. WOW!

From House to Maiden and Back Again

So I'm out last night at the Downbeat grooving to Alec's house music, when Dan Nystedt said he was going to Foggy's to video tape Tracey Hilderly's new band, Plethora. I'm totally into the house music and dancing and having a grand old time, but I think "What the hell. I like Tracey. I'll go too."

As we approached Foggy's door, a sense of urgency rushed through me.

"Holy fuck, Dan! They're playing 'Hot Child in the City'. Hurry up!"

Knowing Tracey for as long as I have (going on 30 years!), "Hot Child in the City" was not a surprise and she did a fantastic job. It made me happy. What came next was definitely a surprise.

Pointing at Dan and his camera, Tracey said, "For the sake of my own vanity, we're gonna pull a little number out for you. Well actually, it's a big number." She turned her back to the audience and started the intro speech in the lowest, evilest voice she could muster.

"Is this what I think it is?"

The band kicked in and Tracey let loose the greatest rock and roll scream I have ever heard.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I exclaimed to absolutely, positively no one. They were doing Maiden...yes...Iron Maiden. "Number of the Beast" to be exact. I couldn't believe my ears and my chin was sweeping the sludge from Foggy's floor. It was the awesomest thing ever.

But wait...there's more...

After Maiden, I heard Ferguson call out for "Sweet". What? Did he just ask for "Sweet"? Right as rain, the follow up to Maiden was "Fox on the Run". All of a sudden I was 8 sitting at the top of the basement stairs while my brother listened to records and made out with his girlfriend. It was killer.

During set break, I manned the camera while Dan interviewed Tracey...in the men's room...while taking a pee...it was weird.

So weird in fact, I headed back to the Downbeat for more of DJ Saige's infectious grooves. The joint was jumpin', packed with wannabe ravers and drummers with dreads. Plenty of fun was had by all and I'm sure one or two high jinx ensued throughout the course of the evening.

I decided to close out with a quiet drink at Lop Lops, where I had a very lengthy and in depth discussion with Ken regarding remodelling possibilities for my home. Damn he's good. I guess that's why he's the architect and I'm the loan shark.

I drove to work this morning and CRANKED Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher"...connecting with my derd roots...

Now I am listening to Alec's newly released remix C.D., "Movement". It has come full circle.

"Washing Cheetahs, We Bequeath" Part I; a trip to heaven that almost went to hell in a hand basket.

Two and a half months ago, a frantic e-mail is sent out to many of you from yours truly...

"Who wants to go see Social Distortion in Toronto on October 10, 2005?"

Most responses are "sorry, can't do it" but for two eager people, Beth Boskovitch and Dan Nystedt. YAY!! A plan is set. The three of us are ready to head out on an awesome adventure to Sudbury to see Cuff the Duke then to Toronto to see Social D. Oh what fun we will have! Tickets ordered, gas split 3 ways, accommodations arranged, time booked off...we're ready and raring to go...

As the date approaches, I grow more and more excited to see Social D. again and the chance to redeem myself for making a jackass out of myself the last time in Grand Rapids. Stay sober this time and use your brain for once, Donna, and you will be fine. When you meet Mike Ness again, take a deep breath and be cool. Easy. This plays out in my head for two months.

Thursday October 6, 2005, two days before our set departure date, Dan tenderly breaks the news that due to unforeseen circumstances he will be unable to embark on our long awaited journey to see the greatest punk/rock band ever. DAMN! But that's OK. Beth and I can still go. It will just cost us a little bit more than expected. And Dan's presence will surely be missed, being the wild and crazy ass fun guy that he is...CRAP!

Maybe I can still find a third to take the extra ticket and to split costs and driving...Patti, Craig, Trevor and a bunch of others...all "sorry, no can do." Robbie...yes!...ROBBIE!!...close, but no cigar...SHIT BALLS! I start to get a sinking feeling...

I pose the question to Beth, "If we can't find a third, do you still want to go?" to which she responded with a hesitant half-hearted, "yea, I guess." That sinking feeling just gave birth to a 200 pound baby and it sat on my head. I think I'm coming down with the flu...

Friday October 7, 2005, one day before our set departure date, Beth tenderly breaks the news that due to unforeseen circumstances she will be unable to embark on our long awaited journey to see the greatest punk/rock band ever. FUCK DAMN!! The sinking feeling's baby sitting on my head just kicked me in the ovaries. I officially have the flu and I think I'm getting my period...

Friday, I am NOT in love as "the Cure" may suggest...I am downright MISERABLE!! Not only do I have tickets to a Social D. show I cannot attend, I will be stuck in the Soo all weekend with nothing to do because the only interesting thing going on, Cuff the Duke at the Downbeat, is SOLD OUT! CRAP FUCK SHIT DAMN BALLS!!!

...fuck it...I'll walk to Toronto if I have to...

...hold on...relax and think for a minute, Donna...

Isn't Paul McCartney playing in Toronto the same night as Social Distortion? Yes, I believe he is. Isn't Mike Theriault going down for that show? Yes, I believe he is. A quick and frantic call to Trevor and I have Theriault's number. I call and beg for a lift...

"Hey, yea, no problem, Donna. I'm leaving Saturday. I can pick you up after work." REJOICE!! Get outta here you stupid fat fucking baby and take your sinking feeling with you!

"But I'm not driving into Toronto. I'm staying with Alexis and Brad in Barrie." Hold on guys...you may want to come back and sit on my head some more...

"Give me 15 minutes and I'll call Alexis and see if it's OK for you to crash there Saturday night then I can drive you into Toronto Sunday." Sit...stay...play dead...please play dead...

"Alexis said it was no problem. I'll see you Saturday."

"Sinky" and the evil 200 pounds have officially been euthanized. I do, however, still have the flu...and that other thing?...yea, that too...but I'm gonna see Social Distortion! YAY!!

I do a happy dance...I really do. But then I get dizzy and have to sit down, but the happy dance continues in my head for the next...well...four days, really...

Horton Glues a Who-Ha

The beautiful Mrs. Meghan Cooper sent this story to me via e-mail and I HAD to share. You gents out there may be a bit uncomfortable but you ladies will pee yourself laughing...enjoy!

Laugh out Loud - Waxing (One Woman's Tale of Woe)

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: " Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax "kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax,"yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I applythe wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I 'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive partof my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...

...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to>myself " Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off! " What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter...

"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub! "

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located.

" Are we talking cheeks or hole or who-ha? " She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion>they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! " I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Corb Lund and Me and Apes that use Tools...

I was at the Corb Lund show at the Downbeat Lounge and you weren't...ha ha...sucks to be you 'cuz it was one fanfreakintastic show!

The house was packed, cowboy hats were donned by many and the tall, handsome ex-Smalls singer played and sang his heart out. I had never heard such loud crowds at the Downbeat before and it was well deserved. He is an amazing singer/songwriter backed by the "Hurtin' Albertans"...one of the tightest bands around. Everyone in attendance had a hootnanny of a good time.

Here is a photo of Corb and I...



Thanks T-Bone for sending me the photo...

If you have no idea who Corb Lund is check out his website and find the answers you seek; Who is Corb Lund? Where does he come from? What is his music like? Why is he wearing a "Slayer" t-shirt?

And now for something completely different........

The news a few nights ago gave me goose bumps. They were airing a report about apes...apes in the wild...apes in the wild using tools...VERY cool. Apparently, this was the first time apes have been observed in the wild using tools. Other primates, chimps and the like, have been seen using tools in captivity, scooping peanut butter out of a plastic tube with a stick. But the photos of the wild apes were almost chilling.

The nice news people reported that one female ape waded into a pond-like water source and did not like the fact that the chilly water reached levels beyond her waist. She left the water, gathered herself a long pole and used it to measure how deep the water was, ensuring she did not wade too deep...SHE WAS MEASURING HOW DEEP THE WATER WAS!! I have no words to express how cool I think this is...

For a full news story about this fascinating topic, click here. The photo included with the story is of the amazing measuring ape I spoke of. Go there...go there NOW and be in awe.

Never before have I seen such obvious evedence of evolution. It ran me over and rendered me speechless. I love it!

Take that you lousey Creationists!!! (now wave your fist in the air vigorously...)