Unsafe Sex

So, whilst engaging in blissful slug-like, channel surfing behaviour late Saturday night, I was about to head to bed but thought I'd give my dish one more look through to see if anything worth while was on. It was almost 4 in the a.m. I was doubtful.

And then I found it...."Kondom des Grauens" or "Killer Condom".

Any one who knows me knows I am a fanatic for b-grade flicks, so naturally I HAD to check this little gem out. I was laughing out loud to myself within the first 30 seconds.

OK--OK, check this out, yo. It's a German "film" set present day in New York City and the lead character is a short, fat, chain smoking tough cop named Luigi Macaroni. Oh, did I mention he was also gay? The "film" doesn't get really good until a condom bites off his right testicle while he attempted to get his groove on with a young little man-whore after dumping his REEEAAALLY ugly cross-dressing boyfriend, Bob...or Babette at the central location of most of the "film", the "Hotel Quickie".

Did you happen to retain the whole "biting condom" concept in the above bizaare synopsis? Yes, a killer condom...a ravenous rubber with huge fangs and an appetite for blood...and a cute little squeeky voice, much like the voice Ash's lopped off hand had in "Evil Dead II". Classic.

By the time I went to bed at 4:30, not only had the carniverous contraceptive appropriated one of poor Luigi's nads, it had also killed 13 other men by...well...I'm sure you can figure that out. I never made it to the end of the "film" to find out why/how/where this evil condom came from. My need for sleep was far too great. But thanks to the miracle of satellite T.V. and the "Drive-Inn" channel, I'm sure another viewing of this classic is not far off.