Saturday, December 31, 2005

BREAKING NEWS...


Mr. James Case has a website. I repeat, Mr. James (I cut off my own fingers and I can still play mean fuckin' guitar) Case has a smokin' hot website.

I only see one flaw with this synario...it will now be impossible to keep our home grown guitar God to ourselves here in modest Sault Ste. Marie. Jay, meet World. World, meet Jay.

With a voice than can make a nun rip her clothes off and grab the nearest male to engage in unspeakable acts of passion coupled with his unique and undeniable talents as a musician and song writer, it will not be long before he is noticed and whisked away to bigger and brighter stuff and things. Just remember all us little people when you're a big rock star, Jay. I'll even work for you, if you like. I'm assuming the position of "Personal Ball Sanitation Engineer" has been taken by George Ravlich, so I'll have to find something else I can do...maybe I could be your sound technician...that looks like a pretty easy gig...a no brainer, really...

...excuse me, but I must run and hide from Mr. Ravlich now...

Anyway, congratulations Jay. The site looks stellar! The site was of course, designed by Curt O'Neil of Murderfly Multimedia. Nice job, CO. However, the pictures could use some work. I think you should give me that junk camera you've been using and get a new one...*wink wink*

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Holiday in a Nutshell

My Tree '05-2

Hope evryone had a glorious holiday. My Christmas was fantastic full of friends, family and good times.

Rob & the record

Rob loved his gift. I had Robbie Adamson burn the record onto CD for me so on Christmas morning Rob awoke to Johnny Cash belting out "Hey Good Lookin'". He emerged perplexed from the bedroom in his boxers wondering where the hell I had found Johnny singing Hank Williams. He was more than pleasantly surprized to see the autographed LP resting on the fireplace mantle. All went according to plan... bwah ha ha ha....

Donna & Bat Boy

He gave me the awesome book pictured above...The Weekly World News ROCKS!!!...and the special edition 2 DVD set of "Sin City", plus a stocking full of fun games, toys and music...Bedouin Sound Clash and Death From Above...fun fun fun...

But stay tuned folks, for the holiday season is not quite through. We still have New Year's Eve ahead and you KNOW I will be talking tons of photos that night. If I will not be seeing you that evening, be safe and I wish you all the best in the new year.

...oh yes...and look what Jay Case got for Christmas...

Moments Before the Sodomy

...a passed out George Ravlich ripe for the sodomy...lucky Jay...

Saturday, December 24, 2005

HAPPY HAPPY HO HO HO!!

Winter 6

Just a quick note to wish one and all a very Merry Christmas. May Santa drop the best of the season down your chimney.....and may rabid, drunken elves chew off the nuts of Bill O'Reilly and all the other evil doers of this planet. (do I know how to spread joy, or what?) CHEERS!!

Friday, December 16, 2005

Merry happy Christmas holidays

I love Jon Stewart. Bill O'Reilly apparently hates Jon Stewart because "The Daily Show", a spoof news program, is more news worthy than his own Fox Network "news" program. Jon Stewart pokes fun at Bill O'Reilly. I laugh and think to myself, "Self, that Bill O'Reilly fella is a jackass."

As of late, Mr. O'Reilly has been discussing and debating the apparent American war on Christmas. He claims that Americans are trying to eliminate Christmas because some people say "Happy Holidays" rather than "Merry Christmas". While discussing this issue on his show, he agreed that it would be silly for individuals to be insulted by the term "Merry Christmas" if said greeting was directed at someone of other-than-Christian faith...someone Jewish or Hindu, perhaps. In the next breath he demanded the phrase "Happy Holidays" was utterly insulting to individuals of Christian faith.

...huh...interesting...Jon Stewart thought it was interesting too.

I think Bill O'Reilly needs to lighten the fuck up and try to find real news to talk about. What he is trying to do is make a non-issue into an issue. He is picking and scratching and clawing at a freckle until it bleeds and then claims it's cancer.

His main support for his argument are major national department stores such as Gap, Walmart and Sears that post "Happy Holidays" or "Seasons Greetings" in their windows rather than "Merry Christmas". I think it's a cost issue, not a secular issue. This time of year boasts two holidays; Christmas and New Years Eve. Two is plural. Saying "Happy Holidays" is just more time and cost effective than saying "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year".

OK. So I am partially joking about the whole cost effective thing. The truth is the "Christ" has been slowly slipping out of "Christmas" for quite some time. Although the holiday still carries His name, many individuals forget, or better yet "disregard" what the day is supposed to represent. Ya know why? Because a large portion of the population don't care. If they cared, the "Christ" would not be slipping out of "Christmas".

For those who do care, no one is stopping you from going to church and honouring the birthday of baby Jesus by killing a tree. By all means, have at it. But I'll let you in on a little secret...December 25 was not Christ's birthday.

(I love Wikipedia and here's why...)

On or around December 25 ancient Romans celebrated the festival of Saturnalia in honour of--you guessed it--Saturn, the God of farming or agriculture. They would cut down evergreens (signifigant because they did not die in the winter) and decorate them to pay homage to Saturn...a sacrafice, as it were.

The festival was mostly a lot of goofing around, something like April Fool's Day, when masters and slaves would switch roles and the like. It was so much fun that the holiday expanded to almost a week long. Always trying to out do themselves as the Romans often did, the festival gradually degraded into utter debauchery. So much so that soon the word "saturnalia" came to mean "orgy" to the Christians.

AWESOME!!!

It is widely believed that in the fourth century, the Christians assigned December 25 as Christ's birthday in a effort to "Christianize" the pagans celebrating Saturnalia. Rather than eliminate an already popular holiday and try to get them to celebrate an entirely new one, they must have thought it was easier to just replace it. How'd they stop the orgies, that's what I wanna know.

By the way, December 25 is also the secular holiday "Newtonmas" in honour of Sir Isaac Newton.

So getting back to Mr. Bill O'Reilly, I have this to say to him this holiday season; (in honour of Christmas) "Seasons Greetings you self righteous moron", (in honour of Newtonmas) "Happy Genius You Will Never Be Day" and (in honour of Saturnalia) "Go fuck yourself." How ever you want to celebrate is entirely up to you, but leave the rest of us alone and find some real news to talk about.

Long live Jon Stewart!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Holiday Favourites

So not so long ago, one of our local on-line news sources had a poll asking their readers what their favourite Christmas movie was. That's all fine and dandy, however, there were a few glaring omissions...

1. A Christmas Story. How, pray tell, could any self respecting Christmas movie poll writer leave this little gem out? They should be ashamed of themselves! Even the 30 Second Bunnies Theatre troop felt it important enough to include in their new programming...click
here to view. Be careful...you'll shoot your eye out...

2. A Wish For Wings That Work. An awesomely funny Berkeley Breathed animated tale. Opus the penguin writes...well...actually, he faxes his letter to Santa expressing his desire to fly after finding little comfort in his "Flightless Bird Support Group"...Robin Williams plays the part of a Kiwi bird whose wife left him for an Albatross...this scene alone is worth the price of admission. Click here to find out more. And if any of you ever see this on DVD anywhere, buy it, buy it, BUY IT!! I'll love you forever.

3. The Nightmare Before Christmas. In my opinion, this is Tim Burton's crown jewel. A beautifully funny and imaginative feat of stop-motion animation. I love Jack Skellington. I want to marry him. Click here to fall in love too.

4. The Ref. OK. This one is not so obvious, but you will bust a gut laughing. Denis Leary plays a thief turned marriage counsellor on Christmas eve. Denis Leary...Kevin Spacey...what more do you want?...yea, yea, yea...click here to blah blah blah...I happen to own this one if anyone wishes to borrow it.

5. Toys. One of my favourite Robin Williams movies with a "Hamlet" sort of story line...but without the incestual undertones...and Joan Cusack (sp?) who plays the Ophellia-type character is his sister...robot sister...OK, so it's nothing like "Hamlet" but it does have an evil, underhanded uncle...and LL Cool J...just see the damn movie! It's a lot of fun.

6. Die Hard. 'Nuff said. Yippy-kiyay motherfucker...

There you have it. My list of some of the most over looked Christmas movies. I watched "The Grinch" (the original, not the evil live action monstrosity) twice yesterday thanks to time shifting. I stick my tongue out to all who cannot experience the joys of time shifting...tee hee...

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Something Revisited

Well, with the joyous season of Christmas apon us, I feel the need to revisit The Christmas Resistance Movement. I took another look at their site the other day and when I was finished laughing at their Russian propaganda style poster (which I love, by the way), I got a little upset. I am not a mindless drone who consumes because I am told to. I like buying gifts for people, so I say to them "Stick some holly in it!"

Christian or not, Christmas is a very imortant holiday for us stupid, stupid humans. You see we, by our very nature, are greedy, self centered creatures. We need reminders that there are those around that are important to us and this holiday almost forces us to acknowledge them. I don't see this as a bad thing. That is not to say you have to go broke buying and shopping and spending and fighting in the aisles for the last and latest "Crack Whore Barbie"....

hmmmmm.... Crack Whore Barbie... I think I need to market that... she could have accessories like tiny little compacts to cover those nasty bruises and track lines, crotchless panties and itty-bitty glass pipes...

Anyway, to get to the heart of my point, and I do have one, Christmas is a time of gathering friends and family, and sharing in the "spirit" of giving... giving extra attention, sharing laughs and stories, shovelling your nieghbours driveway or whatever. If this also includes the giving of gifts, then so be it. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING gives me greater satisfaction than finding that perfect gift for someone. Someone in my life this year is getting the perfect gift, but I cannot discuss this until after Christmas... most of you already know what it is... tee hee...

So, by all means, eat, drink and be merry... stick it to those stupid Christmas Resistance Movement people and spread the true meaning of Christmas...

Christ... I sound like an after school special. At least I kept the "Christ" in "Christmas"...