It is lines like this that make B-Grade movies so much damn fun, and last night's viewing of "Slumber Party Massacre II" was a BLAST! Starring Crystal Bernard (you may remember her from "Wings"), this gem has all the classic B-Grade elements; shallow teenage girls (who happen to be in a band together), stupid jock boys with nothing but sex on their brains, severed limbs, exploding pustuals, REALLY bad music, some naked boobies (unfortunately, not only on the ugly girl, but on the REALLY ugly girl), a blow-up doll, a chick in a mental hospital warning her sister about "going all the way" (delivered in dream form, of course), skin-tight pink spandex and BIG hair and a hugely noticeable lack of parental supervision...and I haven't even gotten to the villain, yet!
Picture it...small town, USA...1987...in walks an Andrew Dice Clay wanna-be dressed in black leather fringe, playing a sadistic looking red "guitar" with a giant drill for a neck (his more than phallic murder weapon). This Rockabilly Driller Killer is followed throughout the movie by a mysterious fog machine, red spot lights and horrible 50's rock knock-offs. What really makes this bad guy special is his seemingly uncontrollable need to break into an off-off-Broadway-production-of-"Grease"-style song and dance routine, taking time out of his busy schedule to entertain his future victims before drilling them to death...priceless!
Patti described the movie as a really bad "Kids in the Hall" skit. Rob Slack had this to say about the "film";
The hypothesis of the film is that '80's is on the higher moral ground than '50's Rockabilly. The girls represent the conservative values of the Regan era. The killer, in his '50's garb, with his phallic guitar-drill, is a symbol of the anti-authoritarian stance of the Rockabilly generation. When the girls hear a '50's style song on the radio, off come the clothes and bring on the booze. This is clearly a statement concerning the undermining influence Rockabilly music has upon good-American family values.
...I guess in Rob's case, the movie was bit more thought provoking...
The second movie of the evening was "Blue Monkey"...there was no monkey...there wasn't anything that even remotely resembled a monkey...there weren't many blue things, either. What there WAS, was Steve Railsback (who starred as Charles Manson in "Helter Skelter") fighting a ginormous bug, who, while in the larvae stage, was shat out of the mouth of an elderly landscaper following a thorn prick from a mysterious volcanic plant, causing a highly contagious infection that could only be stopped through the consumption of alcohol...huh?!...
...all in all, not NEARLY as entertaining as "Slumber Party Massacre II"...I hope there's a third!...
3 comments:
Just want to clarify that i typically love Kids in the Hall - i was referring to skits like Chalet 2000 - where a beaver fell in love with the queen or visa versa and ....well.... i think that's the only thing that made sense(?) in that 1/2 hour skit...
... also... the soundtrack for Slumberparty Massacre 2 is second to none... you forgot to mention that...
and the chicken flying out of the fridge attacking our little "Wings" vixon is not only ironic but remeniscent of my sweet Bela Legosi and the giant octopus in Bride of The Monster...
I WANT TO BE A B GRADE ACTRESS!...i want nothing more....
Patti
...I actually DID make mantion of the music a couple of times, baby...but the chicken!!! how could I have left out the CHICKEN!!!...and if you become a b-grade actress, you may have to work with Randy Quaid...
there's a monster that needs no special effects!... and my screams would be very realistic....
patti
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